


the world's not perfect, but it's not that bad

by thousand_thoughts



Series: Narrated for you [1]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Fluff, Getting Together, Light Angst, M/M, Toronto Cricket Skating and Curling Club, yuzuru hanyu is bad at feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:21:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21592981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thousand_thoughts/pseuds/thousand_thoughts
Summary: “So… It’s probably insensitive to ask while you’re crying...But I would like to take you out on a date?”Aka, Yuzuru is bad at feelings and Javier just wants some affectionNote: This work is purely fiction and is not a reflection of the actual skaters
Relationships: Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu
Series: Narrated for you [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1556188
Comments: 9
Kudos: 62





	the world's not perfect, but it's not that bad

He remembered the day vividly, walking into the cold building and leaving the wind and rain behind him. It was the first thing he noticed amongst the colours and smells in the air, a white figure flying across the ice like a feather picked up by the wind and thrown to dance with the leaves. He had watched in awe when the familiar sound of blades on ice came closer and he flew up and demonstrated what he had his eyes on for so long. The quadruple Salchow. 

The gap had been huge back then, both in language and skill. He was a young prince with too much energy for his own good having to start from the bottom, looking up at what he once could become. The few times Javier had tried and talk to him he had not understood him, the thick spanish accent making it hard for his ears to decipher the foreign language. The other never gave up, he was persistent, always watching him out of the corner of his eye. Letting his eyes trail up and down his slim and bruised body, taking in all the curves and burning them behind his retinas. It had weirded him out for the first months of his training but nonetheless he got used to it, he had never said a word to the man but feeling his eyes on him was a sort of validation from the older. 

He knew more english now, enough to have a talk with Brian about his routines and improvements but there were still moments when he felt out of place and in the crowds of laughs, not understanding what was so funny. So when Javier one day had chased him down outside of the showers by grabbing his shoulder and repeating his name with a horrible pronunciation on the Z he couldn’t pretend to not understand him any longer. He hadn’t been avoiding Javier per se, there was just a big obstacle hindering him from welcoming the skater into his life. There was a fire in his chest that lit up everytime Javier was mentioned or in the vicinity, at first he thought it was jealousy of the way he moved, strong and with passion burning in his eyes. He had aspired to be like him, but the fire stuck, it was still ever so present if not growing with each month he spent training and getting stronger until it was always part of his thought process. 

“I noticed you looking at an add for the new Battleground game, do you wanna play it with me sometime?” That was far too many words that Yuzuru had yet to learn however he managed to scrape together that the man currently leaning over his shoulder had just invited him to something and just like that the fire roared louder than ever. It tipped over spilled to his brain, hindering him from thinking within reason. “Sure” escaped from his lips and Javier lit up behind him, he said a date and time and the only thing he managed to do was nod and hum, barely catching the details he had been given. 

It took hours for the fire to subside but it never managed to reach its former state, now burning ever so present in the middle of his chest. 

Later that night in the security of his room he searched up the strange word he heard the spaniard say. Battleground, the images that followed were animated, from a game. It was violent, explosions present in the majority of the pictures and not something Yuzuru was familiar with. He took a closer look at the logo and realised that he had seen it earlier that day during lunch break. It had come up as an advertisement and he had zoned out, studying the way Elizabet landed her Axels and wasn’t paying attention to the phone screen at all, Javier must have thought he was interested in the game the way he wasn’t skipping the commercial. He mentally slapped himself, now he was going to look like a total idiot in front of the man he wanted to become! 

Five days passed and he stood outside of door number 214 in the apartment complex three bus stops away from the club. His steps had echoed so much in the empty stairway that he was convinced that everyone had heard him coming and if they hadn’t, his heartbeat hammering against his chest would. Suddenly his hands felt clammy and his breath hitched, time stopped and it was just the wooden door between him and the total embarrassment of disappointing the other. It was so easy, just reach forward and knock three times, he could picture himself doing it with a steady hand and relaxed face. He closed his eyes and imagined the best possible scenario, he would pretend he knew what the game was about and copy Javier, maybe he would be good at it, who knows. 

“Yuzuru?” He jerked his head up and his eyes blew wide, during some part of his imaginary plan of the evening Javier had swung the door open and had been met with him standing outside with his eyes closed like a lunatic, he could feel an embarrassed blush creeping up his neck and making its way over his cheeks. Javier wasted no time with dragging him inside and showing him where to hang his coat with overflowing enthusiasm, all the time speaking about things he had seen or heard. Yuzuru followed the older boys directions like a cat following the feather at the end of a rope, entranced by the wave of spanish culture that decorated the small living space. He was sat down in a soft couch, a knitted red and yellow blanket resting over the back of it for a pop of colour. There was a dip next to him and a controller was passed into his hands, he fumbled with it for a while before he worked out how to hold it correctly and trying to disguise his panic when Javier loaded up the game. 

“Have you managed to play it before?” He was totally focused on the start screen, only casting small glances towards the japanese to see if he was engaging in customising the character. Yuzuru didn’t know what to say so his mouth stopped wide open and he closed it again with a hum. He tried to push one of the buttons and a yellow rectangle appeared on the screen, he couldn’t understand what was written but Javier quickly clicked it away and laughed a “Butter fingers?” through his smile. Why was he laughing? And what did butter fingers mean? He started to get more insecure with each passing second, he had pushed it away this entire evening in fear he wouldn’t even have the courage to show up. His grip on the black controller hardened and it was starting to slowly slip out of his clammy hands. Javier must have noticed because after a while of him not doing anything on the screen he turned his attention towards the source of the non activity, a shy face hiding behind his a tad too long hair. 

“Yuzuru?” He tilted his head to get a better look at the boy. 

“Hai” Came a squeal. 

“You have never even played a video game, have you?”

“Iia” He said meekly, not managing to form English words in his mind for the moment and hoping that Javier would understand, and luckily he did because soon he could feel the controller being taken out of his grasp and placed on the coffee table in front of them. A nudge to his shoulder made him lift his gaze from the floor to meet Javier’s coffee eyes, shame from lying tinting his own. He felt ashamed that he lied about being interested in the game and then ruining what the other thought would be a fun evening. 

“I sorry, Habieru” The words felt foreign on his tongue, this being the first time he had actually spoken the other ones name out loud. His mouth failing him on the consonants which made Javier chuckle. Yuzuru had had a hard time pronouncing the names since moving to Canada everything was said with so many L’s and R’s it made his poor mouth hurt, he was practicing every night in his room but right now, even the quads seemed easier than the english language. 

“That was kind of adorable, is it hard to say my name?” He blushed at that, not used to being called adorable in a positive way before in a country where everyone kept to themselves for the most part. It had shocked him at first, how touchy everyone was here on the other side of the ocean. Sometimes he would be greeted by hugs by Brian and Tracy and on a few occasions had other skaters thrown an arm around him when they were talking, he used to flinch away but now he barely twitched. But the majority of the skaters at TCC seemed to take the hint that he didn’t appreciate their physical contact quite as much and let him be for the most part. He suddenly remembered the question that Javier had asked him and he was quick to nod in response. 

“You say name wrong” He said in an attempt to shine some light on the (in his opinion) awkward situation. He got a chuckle from the other, feeling the sound waves from his deep laugh vibrate through the couch and up his spine. He had to physically remind himself to breathe when the warmth in his chest became suffocating. “No Yusuru. Yuzuru” He tried to emphasize the Z to really get the point across and looked down at his hands again. 

“Okay then, Yuzzzzu” He drags out the Z to the point where it is almost comical, Yuzuru laughs a bit and shifts himself so that he is looking the man in the eyes again. 

“Haaabi” He declares back. Javier eventually left the game for a movie night instead, being considerate enough to choose a Japanese movie and relying on the English subtitles himself and Yuzuru felt thankful. He returned home that night with images of animated CGI mechas and Javier’s smiling face on his mind, that man wasn’t so bad after all. 

He returned to TCC the next day with a hazy memory of the day before, focusing on the tasks given became much harder suddenly. He was yet to become more social with the other skaters and the upcoming competition didn’t help now with the tension rising between everyone going to the event. Each day people became more isolated, not wanting to lose focus. But Javier. Javier was as touchy as ever, he would greet him with open arms and a bone crushing hug each morning, when passing each other in the long corridors their fingers would brush against each other and the flame would get a sudden burst of energy that left his head spinning. Every time he was seated on the bleachers for a breather, a strong arm would encircle his shoulders and tell him about the cat he was thinking of adopting. It was all too overwhelming for him and the fire grew, its smoke was passing up through his chest and clouding his mind and judgement and he hoped dearly that no one could pick up on it. 

Finlandia happened. The memories were colourful, Javi’s hands. All over him, hugs from behind, hugs from the front. Pats on his thighs or strong fingers settling in his hair. He couldn’t take it, the burning. It was painful to not know what the flame was and how it got there but with each day in Javier’s presence it bloomed. Sharing the podium with him was the breaking point, looking down at those small brown curls and his smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. How his arm immediately found his waist when stepping up on the middle of the podium for the photographers down bellow and the small game of shove and push that took place during the span of five seconds. He couldn’t take it. 

So he did the most reasonable thing he could think of, he closed everyone of. 

No one could strike up a conversation with him because he would always be on the go, either with drilling quad salchows into the ice like his life depended on it or his headphones on blasting music at an impenetrable volume. The sudden shift in mood and behaviour had worried Brian at first and he had on multiple occasions tried to get a reason out of the poor boy until Tracy had told him that it was useless unless Yuzuru wanted to tell him. 

He got silver. It hurt, he had to admit. Months of hard work and only focusing on skating and he won second place to Daisuke, still he was happy for his team mate. He returned home to Toronto with the plated medal in his suitcase and a scowl on his face, the photo from the ceremony already hanging on the wall outside of Brian’s office when he returned after a day of catching jet lag. Everyone could sense the disappointment reeking of off him for at least a week and kept the distance bigger than before. Except for one particular man that had had enough. 

There was a strong and firm grip on his shoulders that made him jolt, having almost forgot what the touch of another human felt like. He jerked his arm forward and whipped around, being met by a strong smell of warmth and safety, oh no. The brown eyes currently focused on his face was burning holes that stung and he averted his gaze downwards as to not get scorched by them entirely. There was a sigh and then Javier looked away for a brief moment. 

“Yuzu” His voice sounded tired, like Brian after teaching the youngest group of skaters when they were all filled with too much energy for their own good. He suddenly felt ashamed that he had withdrawn from the family that had started to form here at TCC, ashamed that he had only been thinking about his own goals and desires without taking anyone else’s feelings into consideration. 

“Please just say something, why have you been ignoring everyone? Did something happen?” Yes, something had happened. Not in a moment but overtime it had developed into a much bigger problem that he was now actively thinking about for the majority of his days and it disturbed him endlessly. But in vain he shook his head. 

“Need focus” He tried to slink away but Javier’s hands held him in place with a grip hard as stone and the small wire cage he had built around his heart shattered and the flames climbed their way up and tinted his face with a shade of rosé. 

“No you don’t, tell me the truth Yuzuru” He couldn’t hold back anymore, the pain was unbearable and it welled up as tears in his eyes that balanced on his waterline, threatening to fall over the edge. He whimpered and looked anywhere but at Javier’s face. 

“There is fire, hurts. Habi bad “ The face that Javier made was a mix of conflict and defeat, the wrinkles on his forehead deepening with each word that escaped Yuzuru’s mouth. 

“Are you injured?” Javier’s voice came out rushed and he could feel the grip on his shoulders tighten when he lowered himself to look the japanese in the eyes. He shook his head frantically and backed away but only for the other to follow him, his back now pressed up against the cold tiled walls of the changing room. He saw no other way out than to describe the feelings he had buried deep inside that now blossomed into a beautiful storm within. 

“No. When Habi near it hurt. Have fire, here” He pointed to his chest. “Make me warm and shake. Not good for skating, not want it” The tears in his eyes accumulated in volume and fell down his cheeks, gathering in pools in the hollows of his collar bones. He could hear a gasp of breath and then warm hands wiping the wetness away from his cheeks and settling behind his head, toying with the hair at his neck. It was comforting, to feel some sort of soft contact again. 

“Oh mi cielito. do I make you feel like that?” He nodded and held back another sob. “Yuzu, it sounds to me you might be in love” His hands shot out and pushed away Javier with such force that he could see the other man stumble. His eyes were wide at the reaction he had gotten from the younger that was now standing there looking like a scared bunny. 

“Sorry! Not mean to” He whispered and crossed his arms protectively over his chest. He didn’t know what had gotten into him, he was warm all over and his skin was being coated with a sheen layer of sweat that made him gleam in the soft light of the luminescent lights above. 

“It’s okay Yuzu, it’s not dangerous to be in love,” His voice was soothing, like applying ice to a particularly ugly bruise after a long day of training. He hiccuped and let his arms fall back helplessly. Love, it was something he hadn’t really thought about before, he didn’t really have time to think about it before. He had been way too caught up with school work and skating too pay any attention to his feelings and emotional relationships. But did he really love Javier? He remembered first seeing him in person, the warm aura that the older seemed to emit was natural and he had wanted to stay there for as long as time allowed him, whenever Javier laughed his heart would soar and his cheeks heat up and make him walk away in embarrassment, and his hugs. Yuzuru could go on forever about how it felt to be embraced by strong arms that would linger on his waist before brushing against his hips and then vanishing. Everyday he had looked forward to seeing his smile even if he had forbid himself from talking to him. It dawned on him slowly, yes, he loved the man called Javier Fernandez. 

Then the truth started to unfold itself before him. He may love Javi, but the love is unrequited, and now he just made a fool out of himself in front of the other by admitting to the explosive feelings he have deep down in his heart. He started to feel the blush cover his cheeks and ears, burning and telling him to just run away like he always does. He opens his mouth but the words get stuck in his dry throat and he closes it again, clears his throat and tries again. 

“Sorry Habiel,” He takes a short bow “Understand if you want me go” And he turns around to start walking out of the changing room, reaching for his suitcase on his left, keeping his head down. Then he feels the hands back on his shoulders, holding him in place yet again. 

“Yuzu, I never said that you had to go. I didn’t get a chance to tell you something” He pulled him into a hug and carefully he allowed himself to snake his arms around the muscular torso before him, burying his face in Javier’s neck. 

“There’s this one boy I like actually, you may know him. He came here not long ago, didn’t really talk to anyone. But he had something mysterious about him so I tried to befriend him but it seemed he didn’t want that, and even so I invited him home once, and I had misunderstood the entire situation and made him do something he had no idea how to do,” His laugh sent waves through his body, just like that night in his apartment,”He had looked so cute and embarrassed, that’s when I started to like him even more. But he became cold and distant, I didn’t know what to do and he seemed hurt on the inside. I didn’t like seeing him like that, I wanted him to be happy, but it was hard. So I stopped him in a room to try and talk some sense into him. In the end, he ended up in my arms because he didn’t know what love was”

His breath caught in his throat at the last words, he hadn’t understood a lot of the vocabulary but what was true, and he realized that now. Was that Javier was talking about him, it was almost comical, all this pinning and pent up emotions for nothing. All the emotions seemed too bunch up in his mind and cascaded down finally in a waterfall of relief, the man holding him began rocking back and forth and cooing at him, soothing him in the process. 

“So… It’s probably insensitive to ask while you’re crying...But I would like to take you out on a date?” It was directed as more of a question even if it was worded as a statement. 

“Kono yarou!” Suddenly he started laughing, the situation being far too ridiculous for him being able to hold back. Javier seemed started at his sudden outburst of joy and took a step back to look at the japanese. He tried to get a hold of him and ask him why he was laughing right after staining his shirt with tears. It took awhile for Yuzuru to calm down and he had to hold himself into Javier for support before looking up into his eyes and smiling. 

“Yes”

**Author's Note:**

> Translations:  
> Hai- Yes  
> Iya- No  
> Mi cielito- My little sky  
> Kono Yarou- You shit / Bastard


End file.
